Okay, I have submitted all of my applications, and I have much less responsibility regarding grades and work. I got all A’s with just one A- in English. When I found that out, I had a great feeling of accomplishment, pride, and elation; that I was able to set a goal for myself and see it through; that I could do just about anything with my life; and that the door of opportunities was wide open.
Now that I think about it, though, it’s hard to say whether I should really be proud. Sure, I learned a lot of things, and I’d like to think that my writing improved tremendously, but as I wait for colleges’ responses, I can’t help but think that they will find it challenging to overlook my past failures—especially when I also keep in mind my peers’ successes.
I know that there will always be someone who is better than I am in some area, whether it’s math or programming or dancing or juggling, but that seems to make it harder to continue moving forward, to think that no matter how much effort I put in, my life is already irreparably ruined, for I will always fall short of my expectations when I have such high hopes for myself.
I think that if I were given the chance, I could really do something great. Even though things are looking pretty bleak, I somehow still believe in myself, and I am always looking for an opportunity to prove myself and excel in something that would distinguish me and set me further than the people whom I wish I were. I don’t want to be someone else; I just want to be a conglomerate of positive attributes from many people, which might just be why I’m never going to be satisfied.
Maybe everything will work out against the odds. :\
